I think I’m done with tumblr, except for font packages given out weekly on a few blogs I follow. I’ve nothing relevant to say anymore, all I do is reblog eva shit anyway. I’m wasting my time, and with all of the inadequacy I’ve been feeling, its probably for the best. I’ve gotten to this sad and stupid breaking point again, one that feels different from the others. More concrete, like I can’t rationalize this or reinforce myself, can’t save myself this time.
My brain feels broken. I feel stupid, so so stupid, all of the time. My creativity is gone. I honestly consider myself to have an insufficient capacity to succeed at doing what I love, what brought me to RVA. I can’t talk to people anymore, I can’t have meaningful relationships, and I simply cannot handle reality like I used to. I’m trying different meds, talking to counselors, and nothing, NOTHING has helped.
I have everything given to me, so many advantages in life, yet I’m still useless. I’m pathetic for feeling this way, obviously I haven’t put in the work necessary and I’m just a little bitch. I know. I just can’t help but feel that someone, ANYONE else in my shoes, with my advantages and privilege could go on to make something amazing, both of themselves and for others.
The past three or four years have consisted of efforts to change who I am, to develop a legitimate fucking personality, and to leave that asshole high schooler buried in dirt. Problem is, I feel like I haven’t even started.
I’ve kind of given up, I guess that’s the point of this post. The very concept of the rest of my life deflates me. Something has to change, but I’m not sure what, or how.
(Human fucking trash, signing off..)
I hate school. Hate it.
My major is a fucking joke, and none of my teachers seem to give a damn where their students are going to end up. Basically everything I know about copywriting and art direction is self-taught. I wish I’d just moved to RVA and started portfolio work on my own..
I’m not trying to be cocky, I still have so much to learn and I’m a fan of staying humble.
im sick of seeing pictures of couples in movies on here with comments saying “the way he looks at her aww”
they are paid to do that
it is acting
that is the point